There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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