Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
