It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
