she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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