ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
