My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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