Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
