just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
