you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
