someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You took a bar mat shot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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