There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
