I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
