When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
