hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize