Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
