i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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