david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
