I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
