Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
