Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize