When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
