i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
