please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
