I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize