they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
