In the future we'll all be gay
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
