Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
