Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
