just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
