What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
