I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
