Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
