if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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