All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
