All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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