Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
