i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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