i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
