You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
