You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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