Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
