I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
