two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And then he peed in my hair
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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