remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
