My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
