You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
