New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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