whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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