Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
