I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
