maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
