i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
