I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is classic penis vs brain.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
