Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
