I have demons in me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
