I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
