Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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