all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
