but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
