I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
