a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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