Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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