just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
