Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
