Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
last night I used snow as a chaser
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
