New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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