i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
