So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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