I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
