I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
