she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My room smells like vodka and shame
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
