she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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