A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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