I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
