I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
