My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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