There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
