You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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