doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
