i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
