So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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