Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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