How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize