i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
