wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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