how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
