new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
