im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
