You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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