i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
