I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
