Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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