This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
