my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
