Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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