you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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